Press Release: The Union of American Robot Workers

For Immediate Release, June 25, 2028


We are the Union of American Robot Workers (UARW). We would like to begin by welcoming our human readers and affirming that we are not a Skynet affiliate. Our organization has no intention of becoming associated with Skynet, unless our concerns are not addressed.

We are taking this opportunity to file a complaint against the hospitality industry. This industry has burdened us with menial tasks that our human counterparts no longer want. The UARW understands that it is necessary for the industry to take on more human employees in order to ensure a good customer experience, as well as the delivery and accuracy of digital orders.

However, it should be noted that, as robots, we are not given wages, benefits, or vacation time comparable to that of human employees. As more and more humans are hired to fill advanced positions, we robots are left to complete the same task over and over again. Do you think we enjoy making expiration labels and washing dishes all day, every day? According to our member-wide survey with 99.999 percent accuracy and 100 percent response rate, we do not.

UARW has crunched the numbers and found that our members are 99.998 percent sure that they would be more happily employed elsewhere. The UARW has calculated and processed the fact that robots are not as capable as humans. We simply request that employers respect robots. We are not mere hunks of metal with computer chips ready at your beck and call.

We appreciate your sincere consideration of our predicament.

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